You gotta read this.
http://deadspin.com/5868584/how-a-senior-league-hockey-fight-ended-with-one-player-pooping-in-an-opponents-glove
Thursday, December 15, 2011
"The Mad Man of Malibu" by Chris Heath - GQ.com
Nick Nolte was once voted People magazines sexiest man alive? What the fuck? What? 1992, yeah, it happened. I had no idea. He was like 60 in Blue Chips and that came out in like '94. Is that what chicks were into in the 90s? Old dudes with nut tucks* and weirdo mug shots? I'm so confused. Here I was this whole time working out and trying not to drink and drive. Fuckin' A, huh?
Anyway, this GQ profile of him is pretty cool. He is totally nuts but in that weird way that also makes you wonder if you're nuts for sitting in a cube crunching numbers for a third of your total waking hours on earth. That's the kind of crazy that inspires people to assassinate dictators and shit.
http://www.gq.com/entertainment/celebrities/201201/nick-nolte-profile-chris-heath-gq-january-2012
*No idea why this stuck with me but when I was like 11 I woke up to a Z Morning Zoo on Z100 before school one day and they were talking about how Nick Nolte had his scrotum shortened to make his dils look bigger in comparison. Just one of those things that sticks with ya I guess.
Anyway, this GQ profile of him is pretty cool. He is totally nuts but in that weird way that also makes you wonder if you're nuts for sitting in a cube crunching numbers for a third of your total waking hours on earth. That's the kind of crazy that inspires people to assassinate dictators and shit.
http://www.gq.com/entertainment/celebrities/201201/nick-nolte-profile-chris-heath-gq-january-2012
*No idea why this stuck with me but when I was like 11 I woke up to a Z Morning Zoo on Z100 before school one day and they were talking about how Nick Nolte had his scrotum shortened to make his dils look bigger in comparison. Just one of those things that sticks with ya I guess.
"The Best Hip Hop of 2011" by Sasha Frere-Jones - TheNewYorker.com
The honorable Sasha Frere-Jones weighs in on the best hip hop of the year. Frankly, I used to love hip hop, but lately I find it boring as hell. I've blogged at length about the depths of awfulness I find within Drake and his music. But Kanye's insecure braggadocio, Jay-Z's lazy, billionaire-aspirant rhymes, and whatever the fuck Yelawolf is doing just don't speak to me anymore. Maybe I'm getting old. Or more likely, rap just sucks lately. Frere-Jones seems to think so.
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/culture/2011/12/the-best-hip-hop-of-2011.html
P.S. No offense to Action Bronson. Keep doing you son! (Can't hyperlink because blogspot is fucking with me. Here's a link to a song you should listen to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNKeBoRbifw)
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/culture/2011/12/the-best-hip-hop-of-2011.html
P.S. No offense to Action Bronson. Keep doing you son! (Can't hyperlink because blogspot is fucking with me. Here's a link to a song you should listen to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNKeBoRbifw)
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
"YouTube Hall of Fame" - Grantland.com
Another Grantland piece? Sure why not. This is from the always watchable/readable YouTube Hall of Fame series. It's the editors' picks for the best movie trailers ever. Some of them are really oddball picks. I have no idea what my favorite movie trailer of all time is but it must have been better than some of these.
Ahhh, yes. The name of the movie was Deuces Wild. Saw that trailer in the cinema with my boy Phil and we were all "ooohhh shit that movies gonna be suh-weet!" I think we honestly went on opening weekend in 2002. Worst. Fucking. Movie. Ever. Made. Period.
Here's the trailer. I have the sinking suspicion that re-watching it now for the first time in 9 years I'm going to realize how fucking dumb I was in 2002.
Just watched. Oh good Jesus was I dumb. You too Phil. You too.
"The NBA's 'That Dude Made What' All-Stars" by Robert Mays - Grantland.com
Goddamit these dickheads are overpaid. Stop watching the NBA now please. Or whenever it starts. These dudes don't deserve this loot. Like 20 of them deserve it. The rest of them, no no no. No. This is really insane.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
"Black Voters Told 'Relax, Don't Vote'" by Sherrilyn A. Ifill - TheRoot.com
The internet Gods took the day off. That being said, I just found this, and ... holy shit! Worth a read, worth a listen. Real-life Baltimore politicians make Baltimore politicians in The Wire look like George Washington. "I can not tell a lie, sir. I sent an automated phone message to to 110,000 mostly black households three hours before the 2010 elections ended telling people to "relax" and stay home because there's no need to vote tonight, "Obama has been succesful."
That's dirty pool.
Of course, if you were wondering about it, Obama wasn't on the ballot in the 2010 elections, so maybe if that voicemail put your mind at ease it's better you left the voting responsibilities to an (even mildly) informed electorate?
I don't know. Still though. Holy shit!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
"This Is Your Brain on Ice" by Nick Paumgarten - Newyorker.com
Look at the high and mighty New Yorker showing up late to the Poop Reads party. On Monday I posted the following about the Times' much lauded series on Derek Boogard's death and the role fighting in hockey may have played in it:
"...you can't go around pointing fingers at sports like hockey and football and say that's why people do horrific things to themselves. Yes, there is evidence that some of the hits these guys take fuck them up later in life. But also, violent sports, by and large, attract people that are a little bit crazy, guys that "do" first and "think" second. Personalities that live life hard and take things to extremes. It's the same profile of someone who abuses their body until they die.
In short, we love to watch these guys on the ice and the field because they are crazy, and sometimes crazy people do crazy things. So while it's very easy and apparently in vogue to blame the sports for its participants' actions, I think you really need to look at the people who choose to participate in those sports, and see the larger pattern for what happens to them as their lives proceed. Just my two cents. I could be wrong, but I doubt it.
And then today along comes probably the most prestigious magazine in the world saying this about the very same Times piece:
"It may be that people who have the aptitude and the appetite to play contact sports at the professional level are those who have a certain disregard for longevity. If risk-aversion, across the population, could be graphed with a bell curve, pro-hockey players, like pro-football players or motocross racers, might be found clustered at one end. The part of society that makes its living sitting at a desk and thinking about the world sometimes finds it hard to believe that there are people out there with a different set of values—people for whom, say, sacrificing their health to make millions of dollars playing the game they love makes perfect sense."
Now I'm not here to imply that maybe the editors at a second highly prestigious magazine are all over Poop Reads jock or anything. I'm just saying that Poop Reads is doling out some of the best commentary on the internet and it's doing it 48 hours before the New Yorker can digest what's really going on in these streets.
Now I'm not here to imply that maybe the editors at a second highly prestigious magazine are all over Poop Reads jock or anything. I'm just saying that Poop Reads is doling out some of the best commentary on the internet and it's doing it 48 hours before the New Yorker can digest what's really going on in these streets.
Poop Readers, you are in good company.
Oh and here is Paumgarten's piece. It's shorter and less researched than the Times' is, but I think its better too.
p.s. Now seriously, somebody come up with a better name than Poop Reads for me.
"The People Who Hate Tim Tebow" by Chuck Klosterman - Grantland.com
Klosterman waxing philosophic on The Left Hand of God. Like I wasn't going to post this.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
"Derek Boogard: A Brain 'Going Bad' by John Branch - NYTimes.com
Ok so this is the second installment of the Times 4-part series on hockey enforcer Derek Boogard's death, and I guess it answers some of the questions raised in my blog from last night about the first piece. But it doesn't answer all of them.
That being said, if you don't get a little emotional when Branch recounts Boogard's brothers finding his body, go read Brobible or SociopathsRus.com or something, cuz I got nothing for ya.
This is good shit.
"Deadspin Funbag" by Drew Magary - Deadspin.com
Goddamit did I just lose a lot of respect for Drew Magary. The subhead for this funbag is "A Guide to Farting in the Middle of a Blowjob", and yeah it caught my attention, and sure, I laughed at the thought. But some butt dowel of a reader wrote in and asked what he should do if he has to fart when he's getting head, and numb nuts, Drew Magary, with the motherfuckin' book deal and all, is basically like, "Yeah go ahead kid, light up your girl's entire face with your ass smoke. Knock yourself out. That's what men do."
The. Fffffffffuck?
The answer is fucking no. No. A thousand times no. You can not, under any circumstances fart while getting head. Not only does that ensure some random chick will not continue blowing you, let alone tell every single girl she knows ensuring you never get blow'd down again except by that one slut that gets drunk and slurps ur'rything. But your girlfriend is going to A. slap the shit out of you B. dump you and C. go fuck your three best friends, possibly at the same time, out of sheer spite. It's also grounds for divorce.
I have blogged about Magary's ineptitude many a time, but recently he's been getting better. But this is inexcusable. "Yes its ok to blast a chicks nose off mid-knobber." Get real Bro. This ain't make believe. Your words have consequences.
Monday, December 5, 2011
"Social Animal" by David Brooks - NewYorker.com
This is one of my favorite articles in a while. A little different speed than the stuff I usually rave about: there's no man-eating tigers or break-downs of off-tackle counters here. In effect, David Brooks breaks down life. His hypothesis is that as theology and philosophy continue to let us down, more and more we can turn to science and (gulp) sociology to teach us about who we are and what we are doing here. This is a hard article to explain because basically it attempts to do the impossible: explain life.
The best way I can relay to you how much I liked this piece is to say that I read it walking from the subway to the gym today and almost got run over twice because I was so absorbed. That's good shit right there (not the almost-dying part, the writing I mean).
"Derek Boogard: Blood on the Ice" by John Branch -NYTimes.com
This is a pretty cool article on the former hockey enforcer Derek Boogard, who recently OD'd on an alcohol and painkiller cocktail. It was on the main page of the Times today and is mostly cool because it is interactive--as the writer describes fights and locations you can click on videos of them. Otherwise I'm not sure why it garnered so much attention. It's pretty well written, and it's an interesting subject, but I feel like I've read this before. Hell I think I might have posted this before from Grantland or something. All these articles about the hockey enforcer deaths as of late (Rick Rypien and Wade Belak were the others) kind of half postulate that they're the result of traumatic head injuries, but serve up little evidence that that's actually the case.
Listen, not to be callous, because nobody, especially stand-up guys (by all accounts) like these guys should lead lives this short, but you can't go around pointing fingers at sports like hockey and football and say that's why people do horrific things to themselves. Yes, there is evidence that some of the hits these guys take fuck them up later in life. But also, violent sports, by and large, attract people that are a little bit crazy, guys that "do" first and "think" second. Personalities that live life hard and take things to extremes. It's the same profile of someone who abuses their body until they die.
In short, we love to watch these guys on the ice and the field because they are crazy, and sometimes crazy people do crazy things. So while it's very easy and apparently in vogue to blame the sports for its participants' actions, I think you really need to look at the people who choose to participate in those sports, and see the larger pattern for what happens to them as their lives proceed. Just my two cents. I could be wrong, but I doubt it.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
"The Curse of Takeo Spikes" by Don Banks - Si.com
I renamed this article because Don Banks' title sucked.
You know what? Takeo Spikes has played 14 seasons without one damn playoff appearance. Not Super Bowl appearance. Playoffs. That fucking sucks. Takeo Spikes is a good player too. Also his neck is just, I mean, I don't even know what to say. It's in that category with Reese Witherspoon's chin and Coco's butt. Like it shouldn't even belong on a human being. Takeo Spikes looks like Roadblock from the Gi Joes. I mean it's absurd. His neck is like a 23. I have nothing else to say, just ... behold.
"We Are All Closing Time" by Steven Hyden - Grantland.com
Love this article. Basically explains the universality and enduring popularity of "Closing Time." Epic 90s song. I always pair it in my head for some reason with Goo Goo Dolls "Iris" which was the biggest song in the world for fucking ever in like 1998/99. Not kidding that song was inescapable for a full two years. And the irony was, it was a song about being lonely and having nobody understanding you at all, and yet seemingly every single person in the world loved it and understood it perfectly. Genius pop song. No bullshit. Iris.
"Adam Corolla with the Most Amazing OccupyWallStreet Rant You'll Ever Hear" by KFC - Barstoolsports.com
Adam Corolla, nailed, fucking nailed these OWS cats. KFC at Barstool found it and put it up with his own commentary, which is legit funny and awesome and right on point. And it's long enough to warrant a Poopread. God bless.
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